stalking is not a good look on anyone

This is a story about Grey Suit, with whom I had a very brief, but passionate relationship. Grey Suit represents every guy you've ever met that is not really that good looking, or has that great of a personality, but walks around like the big man on campus. The kind of guy that gets so much ass it just doesn't even make sense, but you can't really figure out how or why. It's like the ripple effect, everyone else wants to hit it, and then you start falling for his antics too. Grey Suit is a promoter in the city, and promoters in this area are like rock stars. Girls literally throw their panties at them (I swear I saw it happen once), and for what? Because they get to hold the clipboard and wristbands?? 

Anyway, I met Grey Suit on a random night out. He was throwing a party at a club, and my friend was in love with his promoter partner, White Hat (really clever names, I know), who we were trying to accidentally-on-purpose run into. I spotted him from across the room, and it was love at first sight. Well, for me... He was wearing this beautifully tailored 3-piece grey suit. I swear, I've never seen a person look better in a suit. God, that suit...

He was a social butterfly, and clearly knew everyone that was there that night. We locked eyes a few times, and I made sure to throw my head back and laugh every time he looked my way. Promoters have to stay until the end of the party, and by the end of the night, I had imbibed a few drinks, and was feeling pretty loosey goosey. The quest to run into White Hat failed, so my friend was itching to go. There was no way I could leave without some sort of contact, so the next time he passed us by, I ran up to him and jumped on him. Yes, that's correct, I JUMPED INTO HIS ARMS. 

As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, I asked him why he had been avoiding me all night, grabbed my friend, and then ran into the night like a bandit. No name, no number, nada. I was like Catwoman, except a lot less sexy and a lot more lame. 

A few days later, after extensive Facebook stalking, I happened to run across his profile. He had 37894749735430 friends, so I figured it wasn't a huge deal if I requested him as a friend as well. After consulting numerous friends about the situation, and then writing and re-writing a message to him, I sent him a friend request with the following message-

Me:

Sorry for the hit and run Friday night, I blame all the extra oxygen they pump into the clubs. 

And his response 3 agonizing days later - 

Grey Suit:

im sorry, what?

HE DIDN'T REMEMBER ME AT ALL! So what, girls jump into his arms all the time? I thought I had at the very least made an impression on the guy, but apparently not even a little bit. I may or may not have cried, but I managed to spit out a response -

Me:

it's probably better for me that you don't remember, but i may have jumped on you at some point friday night. 

Grey Suit:

lol, really??

What is it with you guys? Clearly, I'm laying my heart out on the line here, and I'm getting one word responses back. Would a little effort kill you???

After days of witty banter, we finally ended up exchanging phone numbers, and I would get these texts from him every day, about parties that he was throwing. The first couple times it happened, I thought it was a special invite just for me, and I forced my friend to go out HARD on a Monday night. That's a mistake you only make once. I have never been so suicidal at a client meeting.

After a couple weeks of trying to get him to ask me out, and him ignoring me completely, I started for real stalking him. I'd be at every party he was throwing, and if I saw he was attending an event on Facebook, I'd make sure to invite myself and show up there too. I'd read his profile every couple of hours, and compare myself to the girls that were writing on his wall. I got my friends involved too. Grey Suit went to school with my friend's classmate, so I interrogated her for information too. The more he ignored me, the more I wanted him.  

One night, after copious amounts of alcohol (funny how that always seems to happen...), I somehow managed to convince him to come over my apartment. I was like Terrell Owens, doing a touchdown dance in the middle of my living room. He was FINALLY coming over, we'd spend an incredible weekend together, and then we'd live happily ever after.  

He came over, and we spent a few awkward moments on the couch. We small talk about our respective nights, and I'm getting antsy. I've basically spearheaded everything up until now, so I figure he'll make the first move. Suddenly, he pulls out his phone and this giant smile appears on his face.

"There's an emergency at the club, I gotta run. Sorry!" 

Are you freakin' kidding me??? What emergency is there at 4am when all the bars are already closed??? I was absolutely dumbfounded. Grey Suit got a call from another girl, weighed his options, and found in her favor. I never heard from the guy again, and there are at least 4 clubs in the city I will never step foot in. 

I got my revenge though. I un-friended him on Facebook.